Day 1

Day 1 of being single again that is! So I would be lying if I didn't say that I didn't see this coming, but when a person tells you that they will be with you forever and you are the one they want to spend the rest of their life with then aren't you supposed to believe them? We had problems, but who doesn't especially when you commit to "making it work no matter what". I've heard it before, but I thought this time was different.... well it is kinda different. 4 long ass years and all I get is I still love you, I still like you, I never said that we wouldn't be together in the future. Oh yeah and I still have a key to your house and its not really any of our friends business whats going on, but we still "act" like a couple while we hang with them. His name is LOVE. See I met LOVE late spring of 05. I had just left college and moved to ATL and this was my first night out.

Now my BFF PJ had already graduated a year before me and I was all alone at school for the past year. And I was just coming out of a 3 year relationship with the person I thought I would always be with. Don't worry, I will get to this character later on. I needed a weekend out to pick me up and my boy was down to hang out.

PJ and I went to the club and it wasn't doing anything for me. So I go to the bar and start my cocktails to put me in a better mood. The music is hot so I start dancing in the mirror by myself and this handsome yellow man comes up behind me. Well that was the first time we met and it was everything.

When I think back about everything that we have been through... exes, fights, loss and life... to know that he is not "mine" anymore is killing me slowly. LOVE text me and said that he didn't know if he was doing the right thing by me and he feels sad.... what should I say. I told him to live his life for him and I will do the same. Trying to be a better person and not so hard, but its tough. I feel so weak right now and my usual response it to lash out and talk about his immaturity when my anger shows my true immaturity. I have this hard exterior that I hate, but developed from an absentee father, mother with drug issues in my childhood, and feeling like I had to always been the strong one. Well back to work for me. LOVE ain't paying no bills and looks like Bristol has to step it up.